My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
