a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
