I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
