At least make sure they are 18
Why
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
