that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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