I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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