but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
