hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
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Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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