Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
