not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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