If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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