sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
