So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.