google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.