Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.