I wish I could teleport
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't think tits should taste like fish.