He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dating After Heartbreak
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.