i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions