I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
