You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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