i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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