Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
