my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you traded sex for a burrito?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
