and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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