Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize