Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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