Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
