In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
