We're facebook friends in real life
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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