How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
