i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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