its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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