God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
