man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
