and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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