Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
