But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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