Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
