We got so high we made milksteak
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
jump out the window naked night went bad
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
