Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
