that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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