I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
