FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
