he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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