i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
