I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
