if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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