That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
