Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
