when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
