You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
