We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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