so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
