So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
