Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
