It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
