What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
