i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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