Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
