pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Welp...herpes.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
