I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
