i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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