I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
