woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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