guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
