Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
