omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
