i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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