dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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