Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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