WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
