omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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